How Many Leagues Is Too Many?

So tell me, how many leagues are you in? Some fantasy players wear the number of leagues in which they compete like a badge of honor? I can hear them now: “You’re only in 5 leagues? You’re a lightweight. The last time I was in only 5 leagues, I drafted Y.A. Tittle.” If you’re one of these people, I applaud you. Because I tried it last year, and let me tell you, by the end of the season, I was a shell of a man.

For the longest time, I juggled just three leagues. There is the league that I run, which is an NFC-only league with an auction, a league with a talent pool so shallow that guys like Brad Hoover set off bidding wars. I also am in 10-team and 12-team draft leagues. And I’ve never felt the craving for more, sort of like how I feel after I eat Arby’s.

But last year, something happened. I learned how to use a computer. (I know, it’s sad that a 35-year-old man took this long to step into the 21st-century. I churn my own butter too. Get over it.) And I discovered something mystical and alluring, much like the call of the siren that beacons sailors to their watery graves. I discovered online leagues.

I tried one out, just on a whim, and I found that I loved the idea of drafting against people from across the country. I loved talking smack with people from Montana when they drafted J.J. Arrington. Let’s face it, I just love drafts. That’s the best part of any fantasy season. And by doing it at my computer, I wasn’t gaining 15 pounds eating four hours worth of hot wings and pizza. Fantasy football and clear arteries: I could have it all.

And then the season began. You know running eight teams at once isn’t as easy as it sounds. My in-box, previously reserved for loving e-mails from my better half, was suddenly filled with injury reports and trade offers from teams with subtle names like Keith’s Skull-Crushers. And following eight different teams each Sunday was a little like trying to determine the gross national product of Bolivia with an abacus. The ticker would roll on the bottom of the screen and I would start to go into convulsions and babble incoherently about the field goal range of Nate Kaeding.

I will say that I somehow managed to make the playoffs in 6 out of 8 leagues (inculding one on Fox Sports in which I was locked out on draft day and the computer, in its infinite wisdom, drafted J.P. Losman as my quarterback). I was greatly aided by the fact that I had a pretty good hunch about Tony Romo and had him in the majority of the leagues. (I also had Vernon Davis in a majority of the leagues. That didn’t help so much.) I didn’t win any, but I put that down to bad luck more than anything else, or at least that’s what I told myself to stop from crying myself to sleep.

And so, dear friends, I vow not to go down that road again. Three leagues is enough for this hombre. Well, maybe four. Five tops. If you’ll excuse me, I have to go call my fantasy football anonymous sponsor.